I’ve officially become a woman

So today I went shopping and I bought…get ready for this, okay?...I bought…are you ready?…I bought…a little black dress. My very first little black dress. It’s the end of an era, I tell you. I have a little black dress. I need to repeat it maybe it will sink in. Okay so it’s not a tight little black dress but it’s still little and black so that makes it a little black dress, right? And I bought it in the first store I went in. I’m lucky like that. But before I become the envy of all women who must go through tens of stores before finding something to wear I need to rant. ‘Cause my life is never easy.

So I go in the first store, try it on, looks pretty. My friend liked it, the sales lady liked it, I liked it. Of course I start to creep out ‘cause, you know, it’s a little black dress and I’m not a little black dress kind of gal. Actually, I’m not a dress kind of gal. But I go in 4 more stores and decide that I’ll never find anything better so I go and buy the little black dress(yes, I’m quite fond of saying little black dress, why do you ask?). And then the shoe hunt began. I hate shoe shopping. First, because I hate shopping. Second, because I hate dressy shoes. Third, because I can barely walk on heels. Fourth, because I have clown feet. Seriously, they never had my size. I’ve tried on more shoes today then in my whole life. But sadly, my clown feet and me couldn’t find anything. The pointy shoes(which I hate and wouldn’t wear even if you paid me) made my clown feet look even bigger. Come on, I could barely see the end of the shoe! And there is nothing else! If you hate pointy things…too bad, it’s crocs for you then! Gah!

Now Bozo the clown is gonna drag her clown feet in a pub and drink beer out of a bottle and make sexist jokes. And think about the fact that she has a little black dress.