More bragging

So I finally finished printing all the pages and I have to say, the sound of the printer has officially become my favorite sound in whole wide world. Now if I just got around to the editing it would all be peachy. And while I’m at it I could also update my fanfics. I feel like the WWOTW(Wicked Witch Of The West) for not updating. It’s been more then two months *hangs head in shame*. My writing funk is worse then I thought(I refuse to admit it might be writer’s block. It’s laziness combined with lack of inspiration). But for now I will go back to staring at my pretty manuscript in awe ‘cause I wrote all those pages. And so you won’t feel bad here’s a picture so you can stare with me :D.

Yep, I know it's not the greatest picture of all time but hey, it shows just how big it looks. Ain't it pretty?

And even more bragging: I’ve been reading it and I discovered that I can be funny at times. Imagine my shock(ok, that’s an exaggeration considering I have no ego problems but still…who knew?). And that sex scenes(yes, I have a dirty mind and enjoy writing smut) are hard to enjoy when you must correct spelling and repetitions(and by Jeebus, I do love repeating myself quite a lot). And that’s enjoying reading, you perv! *snicker* But now I’m down to the last chapter and I’m sad ‘cause I know it will end soon and I’m loving it(I did say earlier I have no ego problems). And I also need to finish it. Jeez, it’s such a weird feeling reading something you like and knowing you wrote it. And it helps that I haven’t touched it since November because I’ve already forgotten a few things. Sadly I know I have no ending. But I will. Hopefully. Enough ego-boosting for tonight, I’ll go back to reading.

About weird-ish satisfactions

Nope, sorry to disappoint, but this won’t be dirty. Unless you have a fetish for wannabe writers. Then it’s possibly dirty. But this fetish better be mighty strong. Ok, enough and back to my point. I finally got around to buying a new ink cartridge for my printer and printed the first 2(out of 4) chapters of my “novel”, the next to follow as soon as I remember to buy some paper clips or something ‘cause I have papers scattered all thru my room. It’s such a weird satisfaction seeing all the pages in a stack. I feel good. I wrote 175 pages, 1.5 spaced. And you know what? It doesn’t suck too badly. I remember it being much, much worse so right now I’m sighing with relief. Sure it’s not the greatest novel ever written but for a first attempt it’s actually decent. I’m proud. I should be. I’ve read published books that are worse then that(seriously, how many clichés can a man hit in one book?). I’m never going to send it to a publisher ‘cause…hm, I can’t think of a good reason but I just won’t. Now I just need to finish editing and write the ending and then I’ll be all set. I will be able to brag that I wrote a novel. And, damn, it feels good.

I’ve officially become a woman

So today I went shopping and I bought…get ready for this, okay?...I bought…are you ready?…I bought…a little black dress. My very first little black dress. It’s the end of an era, I tell you. I have a little black dress. I need to repeat it maybe it will sink in. Okay so it’s not a tight little black dress but it’s still little and black so that makes it a little black dress, right? And I bought it in the first store I went in. I’m lucky like that. But before I become the envy of all women who must go through tens of stores before finding something to wear I need to rant. ‘Cause my life is never easy.

So I go in the first store, try it on, looks pretty. My friend liked it, the sales lady liked it, I liked it. Of course I start to creep out ‘cause, you know, it’s a little black dress and I’m not a little black dress kind of gal. Actually, I’m not a dress kind of gal. But I go in 4 more stores and decide that I’ll never find anything better so I go and buy the little black dress(yes, I’m quite fond of saying little black dress, why do you ask?). And then the shoe hunt began. I hate shoe shopping. First, because I hate shopping. Second, because I hate dressy shoes. Third, because I can barely walk on heels. Fourth, because I have clown feet. Seriously, they never had my size. I’ve tried on more shoes today then in my whole life. But sadly, my clown feet and me couldn’t find anything. The pointy shoes(which I hate and wouldn’t wear even if you paid me) made my clown feet look even bigger. Come on, I could barely see the end of the shoe! And there is nothing else! If you hate pointy things…too bad, it’s crocs for you then! Gah!

Now Bozo the clown is gonna drag her clown feet in a pub and drink beer out of a bottle and make sexist jokes. And think about the fact that she has a little black dress.

Moronic comments

I had a very productive and interesting weekend. Saturday I went and played pool(and won 4-3 --- go, me!) and then went out for a couple of beers with a friend. While I was out, enjoying my drink I ran into a guy I knew. Actually “knew” is a bit of an exaggeration. We spent around 2 weeks together, 4 years ago. No contact since. Honestly, I had a hard time remembering his name. Anyway, we said hello and he sat at my table. Of course we had nothing to talk about. I doubt we had that many things to talk about 4 years ago but I was young and stupid. Well, we exchange maybe 3 or 4 lines and then he announces that I have “lost my principles as well”. Huh? So we come to the land of highly inappropriate comments or at least highly idiotic or annoying .(By the way I still have no clue what he meant).

1.Comments that irk me the most: the why am I single ones. Dear Lord, it seems that every human being on this planet is concerned with my dating status. Seriously. The best one ever? I was 17 at the time.
Old neighbor lady: “So, are you married yet?”
Me: “Uh…no.”
Onl(looking very sad): “At least engaged?”
Me: “Uh…no.”
Onl: “Oh you poor thing. You must meet my nephew. He just got out of prison but he’s a really nice young man.”
I fled. Did I mention I was 17? Even without the creepy nephew comment is it so weird to not be married at 17?I’ve been avoiding the woman ever since. The one good thing that came out of that conversation? That now I usually shut up people that ask me why I’m not married(and the frequency of these questions has increased since then) by saying “I’m waiting for my fiancé to get out of prison.” Of course, the “I’m a lesbian” works wonders as well. But I can’t say that to my family so I just ignore them. I particularly despise the sympathetic look and pat on the back “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone too.”. I am a much better person then I thought I was when I didn’t jump at the throat of the person. I do not guarantee the same restraint the next time. And just to be safe, for the family wedding I have to attend this year, I’ll wear a “I might be single but at least I’m not married to your husband” t-shirt. Or get a temporary tattoo that says that.

2. I am not a child person. I’ve never been one. If the kid in question is extremely well behaved and over the age of 3 I might go near him or her but even then I probably won’t spend more then a few minutes. If the kid is a brat, get him away from me or I will and it won’t be pretty. If I can lift my dog I can lift your kid and get him away from me by any means. If I am at store I’m probably pissed enough that I have to be there without your screaming offspring running around, messing with my stuff. Put him on a leash for all I care. Ok, back to my point. If I comment something like “Get your screaming beast away from my stuff”(I’ll probably phrase it better because I do have some manners, surprisingly enough) I want you to control it or get a babysitter next time. What I do not want is to hear “Well, what would you do if it was your kid?”. Ship him off to ‘Nam. Good enough for you? If I am somewhere where there are the with-child family members I’ll shut up and endure, as long as the beasts don’t touch me. I’m not a touchy person and if a kid does it I will be mad. Nope, I don’t think it’s time for a hug. And, nope, I don’t care if you extend your hands for me to pick you up. I won’t but maybe you’ll grow taller from trying. Please, parents of the beast don’t ask me what would I do if it were mine. That pretty much guarantees my calm flying off the window and a very nasty reply following.

Another one on the child subject. “When are you planning on having kids?” Hello, how is that your problem? Have you had some wine? ‘Cause I’m about to pour mine on your head. Or at least fantasize about it. What is this interest in my reproductive choices? Let’s go back to complaining that I’m single, m’kay? I’m convinced there is absolutely no way of answering this question. If I say I’m not married I’ll either offend an unmarried mom or ensure another when are you geting married conversation. If I saw I haven’t decided I’ll get the biological clock conversation. Did I mention I’m 20? By god, I only have a year or two left! If I say I don’t want kids…well, all Hell breaks lose. And then the other conversation that will get you ugly stares and curse words mumbled under my breath starts. “You’re too young to know what you want and you’ll change your mind.”. Let me get this right…I’m not to young to get married or have kids, but I’m too young to know what I want? Huh. Please keep your screaming children and children conversations away from me. If you’re that interested in nephews/cousins/child of absolutely no biological relation to you go badger my brother. He’s older, I’ll let him go first.

3. Comments that are meant to attract my sympathy. If you say something like “I want to kill myself” I will say “Ok” and go on doing what I did. What’s stopping you? If you really want to, you’re not going to discuss your choice with me. If you don’t then why bother me? “I had a bad day.” So did I. You’re a grown up, learn to deal. I frankly don’t care about the fact that you couldn’t find you favourite pencils at the store. I’ll listen only if I thing it has the potential to be used as a starting point for a short story or novel scene. And then I’ll just listen to the beginning and the start writing it in my mind while you babble. If you’re unhappy I suggest you find someone else to talk to. I can’t deal with other people’s unhappiness. I will be completely unimpressed if you cry. Will it offend you if I yawn? Ok, these are not idiotic comments. They just annoy me.

4. “You’ve been brainwashed by society because you like/don’t like x thing.” I heard this about crocs. You know, the shoes. These shoes --->

Not directly addressed to me but on a message board. I’m sorry but I don’t think that I’ve been brainwashed because I happen to like or dislike something you dislike or like. If only that was the only time I’d heard it. But no, people seem to think that others are brainless goons just because of their taste. Apparently I’ve been brainwashed by society because I think “A clockwork orange” is one of the best movies ever made(I didn’t even dignify this one with a reply). I’ve been brainwashed because I think Picasso was brilliant(apparently, no one could ever like that thing). Countless times. Get a clue: people like various things. You can call me an idiot, I really won’t mind but don’t tell me I have a certain opinion because that’s what society taught me. And I still think Crocs are the ugliest things ever made.

5. Comments stating the obvious.
“You’re wearing black.”---nah, it’s yellow. Really, it’s yellow.
“You have long hair”--- I thought it took me a while to comb it but I just couldn’t figure out why. Thank you for informing me.
“You’re wearing boots in June.”--- And here I thought I had my Crocs on.
“It says x thing on your shirt.”---Sorry, I can’t read.
Unless there’s a point to the affirmation please refrain from sharing it with me. If there’s a point then make it quick.

That’s it for now. There are more, many, many more but these are the top 5. Silly people and their machines(don’t even ask where that came from). Or their mouths in this case. And on a completely unrelated side-note, I’ve been busy discussing the “Heroes” characters and spoilers lately so prepare yourselves for a very long list of likes and dislikes and a lot of speculating on the third volume.

I have been ignoring my love lately

Ok, that sounds bad. Actually I’ve been ignoring one of my loves lately. Snooker. How could I have forgotten to mention both the Malta Cup and the Welsh Open? I think somewhere in the middle of looking for my writing mojo, hoping for the writers’ strike to end, discussing the ramifications of the strike over my beloved TV shows and various other every day annoyances it slipped my mind to report. But I’ve been watching and damn, it’s been fun!

I have to admit I don’t quite care about the Malta cup. It’s not that important and I only watch it because hey, it’s snooker. But most of the players aren’t that interested either, or so it seems from where I’m sitting, Ronnie O’Sullivan didn’t even come this year so it’s usually just running in the background while I do various other important things(to be read as: do nothing online). But it exists and to my complete annoyance Shaun Murphy won it this year(did I ever mention the guy bugs me to no end?). And to make matters worse he won against Ken Doherty. So I will pretend it didn’t happen from now until next year. Mmmkay?

And now that we discussed the thing that didn’t happen I can move on to more important things like the Welsh Open. Tonight they played the final and what a pretty game it was. The finalists were, to my complete happiness, Mark Selby and Ronnie O’Sullivan. Since Paul Hunter died I haven’t had a couple of players who I love seeing play so much as I used to love the games between him and O’Sullivan. But now…ding-ding-ding I have a winner! They’re both great players(and did I mention pretty as well?) and it’s fun watching them play. They’ll do faces, kneel(ok, that was Selby in the World Championship it I remember correctly but I laughed like a maniac) and try the weirdest, toughest shots and usually get them too. To be honest I wanted Selby to win but I was thinking that O’Sullivan will. But I was wrong and I’m happy about it(O’Sullivan has 19 ranking tournament wins and it was the first for Selby). The first session of the final ended 4-4 so the second(and last) session started from there. It quickly became 5-4 for O’Sullivan and then 6-4. Mark got a frame but then Ronnie went all the way up to 8-5. Let me quote Selby here “I thought I had no chance at 8-5, even if you give Ronnie a one-frame lead he usually steam-rollers you.” But the “comeback kid”(their nickname, not mine) won the next 3 frames so it was 8-8 in a game of first to 9. And the final frame was fun and exciting and ended with Selby’s victory, although it was from O’Sullivan’s mistake(I’ll look for a video of the shot tomorrow). Congrats to the winner and good luck in the World Championship(I’ll be rooting for another Selby-O’Sullivan final…one can hope :D). And here’s what O’Sullivan said about playing against Mark "You can't feel involved in the match because he plays in strange patterns and plays different shots. It makes him tough to play. You know there are going to be a lot of long frames and it's hard to get a rhythm going. It's an endurance test, to see how patient you can be." Because every snooker fan knows that his biggest quality is patience < /sarcasm >.

In another news, I mentioned a wedding I had to go to next week. I didn’t mention that the friend that’s dragging me to it decided we won’t go. Smart call, ‘cause now I’m going again. Ain’t that fun? So this week is nice clothes shopping time because I have nothing in my closet fit for a wedding. Yes, I know all women say that. But I really mean it. Actually I don’t even have a closet. Are hiking boots inappropriate for a wedding(no, I don’t hike I just have the boots for it)? Oh, the fun I’ll have. The shopping gene was lost on me. So prepare yourselves for a 3 page long rant about how much I hate shopping.

Please explain something

How does a holiday that was originally meant to be a celebration of love get to be about anything but love? So I might not be the most romantic person in the world. Titanic made me laugh and I’ve never made it to the end of Love Story. I am not a roses and candles type of girl(but bring on the chocolates!). But I can’t get Valentine’s Day!

History time(‘cause what’s more fun then a history lesson?). In roman times, the 15th February was dedicated to a fertility ritual, Lupercalia. Actually the whole period between mid-January and mid-February was the month of Gamelion(frightening that I know that, right?). But then came Chaucer and he brought the first connection between Valentine’s Day and romantic love. And everything went downhill from there.

Ok, so I have nothing against celebrating love. It’s nice and poetic(and one of the most important days for commerce). The fact that love is basically many hormones working in overdrive and creating an effect similar to that of amphetamines doesn’t seem to bother people so go ahead, spend your money however you want. Not my problem. What bugs me to no end is that lately it seems that we have to buy gifts or at least a card for every damn person that has crossed our path more then twice in the last year. Buy presents for your mother, your father, your children, your best friend, the milkman, the mailman, hell!, buy a card for the lady that works at the store where you bought all your cards. Ok, I get it, it’s nice, you care about them but come on! Gah! Have I missed the announcement that it has changed from being about romantic love to every damn type of love? Did they use one of those planes that write on the sky and I was too busy to look up? Did my letter get lost in the mail? When did it get from one thing to another? And is it just me or is it really creepy to give your kid a card/present? Definitely brings up many weird thought to my sick brain.

And to think that this semi-rant was brought on by a freakin’ message from an idiot that decided to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day.

It's a bunny in disguise

I should make a category with stupid things people say that annoy me. I’ll get to that after we discuss my hedgehog(ooooh, that sounded dirty!). I am a human being that lives in a house that has doors(shocking!) and those doors have locks and the locks require keys to open/close them therefore I have keys. And all these afore mentioned keys sit on a key-ring which I tend to lose about 50 times a day(just about every time I get them out of the door). To solve that problem, I have a key-chain thingy that looks like a hedgehog! It’s quite big and I can spot it immediately when I need it so it works, not to mention it’s pretty. It even has a bowtie! But that is not the point, but the idiotic people who look at it and ask “Is that a hedgehog?”. No, you freakin’ idiots, it’s a wolf. A bear. A bunny in disguise. Do I need to write “hedgehog” on it so that you can make sure that’s what it’s supposed to be? Do I have to add spikes so that maybe after you prick yourselves you’ll believe me? It’s small, it’s cute and I like it. Before you jump on me for picking on people with poor eyesight I have to add that this question comes from people who just pick it off the table or wherever and look at it(personal boundaries, things and space are completely foreign concepts for some). How am I supposed to answer to that? I’m pretty sure Miss Manners frowns upon me recommending an eye doctor or a children’s book with pictures of the cute lil’ animals.

Get away from my saw, Taylor! Or in this case, get away from my hedgehog, people!

And on a happy note: the writers' strike is over!!! Yay!!! This is what the writers got: deal at a glance. Now get back to work! Heroes is't coming back until fall(how the fuck will I survive that???) but they said that House is expected to shoot 4 to 6 new episodes to air in April/May. I hope it's 6...and that I'll find a way to live without Heroes. Sucky strike! And an almost as sucky news: Lauren Graham's new show with NBC is probably not going to happen. The guys said "start watching 30 Rock". Gee, thanks. All because of this stupid strike! The new House episodes better be damn excellent! Thank God for Gilmore Girls DVD's.

How 3 equals 8

I knew my math skills might be a little off but I’m pretty sure there’s a difference between 3 and 8. I might be an idiot because my bank sure does seem to think that’s it the exact same thing. Story time, children.

I’m an idiot so today I left home without money. I was just taking the movies back, no need for money. I had my wallet with me, I just forgot that I had no money in it(as for some reason or the other they were in a pocket). So as I was walking I found a book I wanted and after digging thru my purse I came out almost 3 euros short. So I went to the ATM. I had 30 euros in my account because I need to pay a tax and I needed a debit card for that. Tax is 15 pounds, which is around 23 euros. No problem then, I can pull the equivalent of 3 euros with no problems. Before I do so, I check my account. It says 29 point something euros. Huh, weird, but maybe I forgot about some tax or something. I punch in, get the money, check the account again. 21.44 euros!!! Filthy bastards. So for 3 euros I paid 5 in tax. Just great. Now I have to go put 3 or 4 euros in my account so I can pay the tax(isn’t that just great…imagine that conversation “Hello, ma’am, I wanna put 3 euros in my account.”) and trust me, after that’s over that account with that bank(and the other one I have) are going bye-bye so fast they won’t know what hit ‘em! The nerve of the bloody bastards!

Completely unrelated but Roy Scheider died yesterday at the age of 75. He was best known for his role as the police chief Brody in “Jaws” and he also appeared in “Marathon Man”, “Still of the night”, “Romeo is bleeding” and “The French connection”. Rest in peace, Roy.

Welcome to the new face of my blog

I have a lot of free time. Some might say I have too much but then I’ll cleverly state that saying too much free time is like saying too much chocolate or coffee. So because I have no life I played around a little and came up with…this. Not the prettiest thing ever but the dots were driving me up walls. If I only had a brain I would have looked for pretty templates online. Right now there are no new news about the strike and I needed to find something to do before my mind imploded. Should I add that I’ll edit/completely destroy this as soon as I get my brain to function again? But right now I think it’s pretty(I haven’t had coffee in 8 hours…my judgment is seriously impaired).

Next on my agenda: I went to the happiest place on Earth Friday, otherwise known as the DVD renting place. Seriously, what’s better then a room with hundreds of movies(including the complete Bond collection which I’ll get this summer and watch over the course of a week)? No, seriously. Name me something. Ya’ see? (Disclaimer: I understand that normal people might think that there are other things that are better. There aren’t. Oh, wait I just thought of something: an even bigger room filled with even more movies!). When picking movies I have a rule: I get one movie that I’ve seen and loved, one horror(the weirder, more geeky and
obscure the better), one artsy movie and something that just catches my eye.
It’s not exact science and it doesn’t always have good results(see the
Inheritance disaster) but this was such a successful outing it had me squealing. I got “Dracula” because I was with a friend who has read the book 5 times and had
never seen the movie—how do such people walk this planet?---, “La vie en rose”
because I love Edith Piaf, “V for Vendetta” and I hope I don’t even have to
justify this choice and “Three…extremes” because Asian horror movies are amazing
and Takashi Miike is brilliant(I mean it…go see “Audition” now!). And after a
short break I will proceed to talk about how amazing “Three…extremes” was. But
first…rant time!

Why, oh why do people have to add romance to everything? I love “V for Vendetta”, I really do, but it drives me batty every time I see it because it could have been so much better without the whole V/Evey dancing and kissing and shit. If I wanted romance I would have gotten “Casablanca” not “V”. Seriously people, stop it! <--- This coming from a person who mostly writes romance.

And now I go back to the wonderfully amazing “Three…extremes”. It’s a collection of three movies: “Dumplings”, “Cut” and “Box”. For a scary movie to be successful in my eyes it must stay with me long after I see it. Monsters, zombies, killer leprechauns? Yawn! A real, flesh and blood killer? Goodie! I’d take “The shining” or “Misery” over “Night of the living dead” any day(This doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy a monster movie…it’s just that it has no chance of ever scaring me). There is nothing scary per se in any of the three movies. But, as any good Asian horror movie, it will leave you with a feeling of unease and a “What the fuck?” floating in the back of your brain. While “Cut” didn’t impress me as a whole(I’m a though audience for any movie) the ending makes it worth while. “Dumplings” left me with the extreme determination to never in my life eat dumplings. I swear I’d probably throw up before I even get a chance to swallow the first bite. And it has a scene in a bathtub that has been playing in my head for the last 24 hours. And the amazing “Box”. I’m more convinced with every movie I see that Takashi Miike is a genius. “Box” is…unsettling. The scene in the circus is definitely my favorite. And the ending is fucking brilliant. You’ll have to see it to find out what’s in the box…

“We have a tentative deal.”

That’s what it says on the WGA website. Great news! I can’t read the article because I’m not a WGA member but CNBC says that we’re almost there. Hurray! Link to the article .http://www.cnbc.com/id/23085446 If everything works well they should release an official statement on Sunday and possibly be back at work next week. Not all good, I’m afraid because while filming for some shows can be resumed quickly, we’ll have to wait, and wait, and wait. Others meaning “Heroes”. Alas, life sucks. But first, let’s hope the strike ends and then I can cry that there will be no more “Heroes” until fall.

(Beside the point but can you tell I've been glued to every news website waiting for information?)

Strike over?

The delightful people at CNBC, who are my new best friends, just published this article http://www.cnbc.com/id/23057002 informing us that the writers’ strike is over. If you’re too lazy to read the whole article, here’s what Michael Eisner(former Disney CEO) said: "A deal has been made, and they'll be back to work very soon," and then added, "I know a deal's been made. I know it's over.". I’ve been a bit reluctant to post anything lately because I’m trying not to get my hopes up but this is dang good news. Again, these are Eisner’s words, not mine: "It's over," he said. "They made the deal, they shook hands on the deal. It's going on Saturday to the writers in general." As soon as anything official comes along, I’ll open the champagne(well, not really since I don’t like champagne but a can of beer’s been waiting for this for a long time). Here’s the link to the interview with the guy http://www.cnbc.com/id/23050841/site/14081545/

And let us not forget the best part of this(because at this point I don’t know what shows will come back and when and how even if the strike is over so I can only hope that they’ll release the “Heroes” episodes they’ve been keeping hidden soon): this mean the Oscars will go on, without problems!(could we add the WGA’s indecision and lack of official statement whether or not they’ll boycott the Oscars as another good sign?)

I told you so

I absolutely hate that line. It makes me want to jump and strangle the person doing the "I told you so"-ing.

1.I feel on my head.
I told you so.
2.Me ex-boyfriend was a jerk.
I told you so.
3.I had a freak accident that no one could have ever predicted while skydiving when a bird got tangled in the net of a hot air baloon and the panicked wizard of oz threw himself out in a desperate attempt to get to Kansas because he's secretly in love with Dorothy and has to find her and fell over me and my parachute got all mangled up and I got hurt(Yes, I have an active imagination- why do you ask?).
I told you so.

I have two good friends guilty of this crime. I swear, I like them but if I hear that line one more time I will personally have to invent a teleportation device(or get Peter to help me) just so I can get next to them and smack them over the head.

I'm mad, sad or just pissed off. I do not need you to remind me that you told me so. It does not make me feel chipper or better, it just makes me want to kill you. So when I lash out on you please don't act surprised. If I try to hit you- too bad! I told you so...>:)

(Can you tell I had a bad night?)

I must be a masochist (otherwise known as a very long movie review)

Well, I must be one! Either that or an idiot. There is absolutely no other way to describe a person who tortures herself with the same awful movie twice. Ya’ see…the story goes like this. This summer, I feel for an advertising strategy. I was out at the local DVD rental place and I had gotten 3 movies so the 4th one was free(ah…good times. Too bad I already rented everything I wanted and a lot of things I didn’t want to see) so I looked around and the DVD cover looked so good(truth in advertising…ha!) comparing it to “Rosemary’s baby” and Hitchcock’s movies. Well, now I’ve seen a lot of crappy movie(and I mean a lot… “Commando vs. Cobra” is a title that comes to mind) but this deserves a category of it’s own(and I’ll stick “Commando…” in there with it as well while we’re on it). Last night it was on TV, and I, being the masochistic idiot that I am decided that it would be a good idea to give this movie another chance- maybe I was in a bad mood, maybe I was drunk or there was a gas leak impairing my judgment the first time- so I forced myself to watch this movie from beginning to end and then decided to write a review(I should get a review column in a magazine- certainly I’d do better then the people who praised this movie!). Ladies and gentleman here comes the review for … “Inheritance”!

I think this particular piece of crap-oh, art! I meant art, that’s the word, art-is indie(otherwise known as “I’m-so-posh-I-must-watch-this-because-then-people-will-think-I’m-cool-‘cause-I-watch-artsy-movies-even-though-I-don’t-understand-anything”-can you tell I’m not an indie fan? Although I must admit there are many great indie movies- I think I’m more of an indie-fan hater) but the camera and images in general in this movie are…oh, how to describe them? worse then what a bunch of students could do. Yeah, that’s a good way(and so curse-words free). I’ve seen better camera work on daytime soaps. I wish I was kidding.

The acting is…dreadful(except for the old lady…she’s not that bad). The main actress is the chick that did the voices in the “Halo” games. She should have stuck to that. No one needs to see her face. I know that it’s a question of tastes…but Jeebus! And when you think it just can’t get any worse the stick a goddamn awful brunette wig on her head. At least I hope and pray it was a wig because it would be too cruel making her cut her hair and then walk around with the brunette thing on her head. If someone could explain the hair to me I’d be forever grateful. What was the person who decided on it smoking at the time? He or she must be blind!

The dialogue…trust me, I could have written something better then that(in fact I probably have and I’m not too fond of my writing). Hell, my dog could have written something better. My boot could have written…ok, I think you get the point.

What have I missed? The music was not that bad(too bad there was so little) but I admit that my judgment might be impaired- I think that halfway through the movie(both times) I was praying to be put out of my misery. Oh, and the house was nice.

And now we get to the plot. Oh, yes, the plot. Actually, I think the story in itself is not that bad. An old lady dies and decided to take over the body of the chick that had been her nurse? Secretary? Maid? Something…It has potential. It could have been a wonderful “Am I going insane or am I possessed?” story. But it’s not.

Hm…should I announce that there are spoilers ahead? Yeah, ok, then: Spoilers ahead!
After the old lady dies(although there’s a nice- nice being a very good word to describe any part of that movie but you get my point- scene before that when she’s having tea with the chick and the spirits of her dead mother and sister) the chick starts waking up in the lady’s house when she had gone to bed in her own and shit like that. The chick discovers that the lady has left her the house but her boyfriend is getting worried that she’s gone mental. The spirit haunting her makes her do strange things(among other sleep with a doctor which leads to the break up between chick and boyfriend because he sees her after being called by the old lady in the chick’s body- I know it’s confusing but I can’t explain it any better).

Then there is the little ghost girl in the graveyard that has the most annoying voice ever! I wanted to bash her head against the grave! I sincerely wish she outgrows that voice or she’ll be in a shitload of trouble.

And, oh my, should I even mention the first great culminant moment of this movie(are there more in a movie?)?(I reenacted this for some friends this summer, while we were out having coffee-man, I wish I had taped it- maybe I could have sent it to the director as an audition for his next movie). How does the chick decide to get rid of the ghost that keeps getting in her? She goes to the house, breaks a cup to agitate the ghost and then the ghost comes and the fight goes as follows:
Abbey(the chick) by the china cabinet: “Go away!!!”
Abbey in the chair with a cigarette in her hand, representing the old lady(referred to from now on as the OL): “No!!!”
A: “Go away!”
OL: “No! Thanks to me now you have a great house and you’re screwing a hot doctor!”
A: “I didn't want it! You have to go away!”
OL: “No!”
A: “If you don’t go away I’ll burn the house down and you can come live with me in my crappy apartment.”
OL: “Wow, I didn’t think you had it in you. You win.”
Poof! Old lady gone.

I mean it. That’s the way she gets rid of the ghost from inside her. Not even a small exorcism. Nope. She shifts from the chair up and then back, picking and dropping the cigarette and she somehow changes and yet remembers and hears what the other person says. And then she almost bangs her ex-boyfriend. And then the old lady starts following her all around Seattle, but in her old form(because, after that fantastic scene she absolutely can't get inside the chick again...why?). And in the grand finale, the mad chick goes back to the house and yells at the old lady’s ghost but the old lady gangs up on her with the ghosts of her mom and sis and the MC(mad chick, duh!) discovers after she slips like a moron on a shard of glass on the floor that if she cuts herself it hurts the old lady too so she cuts her face a little and now it’s POOF! for good. Or is it? The next morning the ex boyfriend calls and asks Abbey if she’s ok and the OL now possessing the body informs him that there’s no one named Abbey living there. The end(and by this point I was begging for it to come sooner before I ran screaming in pain, looking for a knife to take my eyes out).

Yes, an exquisite piece of cinematography. Give me a break. The story could be salvageable. Remake it, but take the actors and the director out and do a major(and I mean major!) rewrite and it could make a decent movie. Except there are already a few like it, but I bet an arm that none are this bad. You can keep the old lady, if you want.

I think the only people who would enjoy this are teenage male “Halo” fans who have the hots for Cortana(Jen Taylor’s character-mad chick) because Jen appears naked. Although I’m sure it would be easier to look for naked pictures of Cortana online. Since this summer I have spent every waking moment(that might be a exaggeration but you get my point) discouraging everybody I know from seeing this movie(well…almost everybody. Let’s just say that I hope the cashier at that DVD rental place who ticked me off when I rented this movie- I get it! I’m difficult! Now I have not asked for your recommendations or help so I don’t need your stupid suggestions-starting from “House of wax” the remake and going to porn movies because she was bored and thought I spent too much time there-- liked it). But if you’re not Scarecrow and your favourite song isn’t “If I only had a brain” then by all means, skip it!!!

Now if I only had an explanation as to why I saw it twice…

(Disclaimer: This is my opinion and if someone's offended by it- tough! If you have seen and liked this movie you have the right to contradict me and praise it and I have the right to call you an idiot)

Sarah Silverman is brilliant

So I wanted to post this yesterday but somehow in between obsessing about Hugh Laurie’s hotness and Alizée’s album I forgot. Sarah Silverman is fucking brilliant.

And I’ve never been a Matt Damon fan but this won him major points. Brilliant!

It’s February

Another month has come and with it comes my first(and probably only) music recommendation because let’s face it, my musical taste isn’t “hip” enough. But you have, have, have to listen to this :Alizée “Psychédélices”. I am far beyond in love. The chick has an amazing voice and the album is beyond great(and the name is so cool :P). Please don’t make me pick a song ‘cause I’m incapable. But a tentative top 3 goes like this :”Mademoiselle Juliette”, “L’effet” and “Psychédélices”. Here’s a taste of it( abit of a warning though: there's some electronic screeching at the begining of the video so you might want to turn the volume down a bit before the music starts so your ears don't hurt):


Ok, another great thing brought to us by this month is “Pathology”. It’s almost here folks and I’m hoping for a good movie because with the strike and everything my life has been empty and boring. And is it just me or have movies been really bad this past year? Even Al Pacino bombed with the way to predictable and boring “88 minutes”. I want those 88 minutes of my life back. Actually more then 88 but that’s not the point. And trust me…I’ve seen really bad movies. Should I mention that I actually paid money to see this in theater? Ok…no more crappy movie ranting. Fingers crossed that “Pathology” isn’t as pathetic as I think it will be. Just a thought but the whole idea seems predictable and it reminds me of “Anatomie” and, if you kill(har-har…what a funny pun) the whole pathologists thing “The last supper”. And that’s just what I can think of now. I’m sure there are others. But the last original plot can’t be found so maybe, maybe…I hope it kills my prediction and is actually a good movie. God knows I need something decent to watch. But anyway it will be at least 2 hours of Milo goodness so it can’t be that awful. I just hope there will be no more of the “I’m just a good guy trying to save the world shit”. Be a bad guy, love ;) !Everybody loves a bad guy(or is it just me?). And if I her “I don’t know wthat to do” one more time coming from his pretty(bad adjective but I can’t think of another one) mouth I’m gonna scream and throw something at the screen(can you tell the second season of “Heroes” scarred me for life?). Ok, no more bashing the movie before I actually see it. It’s not nice of me. I should keep up hope…but I can’t. This last year(actually I think last few years…can anyone name a great, amazing, must-see movie in the past 2-3 years?) has killed the little child in me.
And that last sentence brings us to the reason why this week is the greatest ever: a new “House” epi! Oh my damn, I missed the hotness!