I’ve officially become a woman

So today I went shopping and I bought…get ready for this, okay?...I bought…are you ready?…I bought…a little black dress. My very first little black dress. It’s the end of an era, I tell you. I have a little black dress. I need to repeat it maybe it will sink in. Okay so it’s not a tight little black dress but it’s still little and black so that makes it a little black dress, right? And I bought it in the first store I went in. I’m lucky like that. But before I become the envy of all women who must go through tens of stores before finding something to wear I need to rant. ‘Cause my life is never easy.

So I go in the first store, try it on, looks pretty. My friend liked it, the sales lady liked it, I liked it. Of course I start to creep out ‘cause, you know, it’s a little black dress and I’m not a little black dress kind of gal. Actually, I’m not a dress kind of gal. But I go in 4 more stores and decide that I’ll never find anything better so I go and buy the little black dress(yes, I’m quite fond of saying little black dress, why do you ask?). And then the shoe hunt began. I hate shoe shopping. First, because I hate shopping. Second, because I hate dressy shoes. Third, because I can barely walk on heels. Fourth, because I have clown feet. Seriously, they never had my size. I’ve tried on more shoes today then in my whole life. But sadly, my clown feet and me couldn’t find anything. The pointy shoes(which I hate and wouldn’t wear even if you paid me) made my clown feet look even bigger. Come on, I could barely see the end of the shoe! And there is nothing else! If you hate pointy things…too bad, it’s crocs for you then! Gah!

Now Bozo the clown is gonna drag her clown feet in a pub and drink beer out of a bottle and make sexist jokes. And think about the fact that she has a little black dress.

Moronic comments

I had a very productive and interesting weekend. Saturday I went and played pool(and won 4-3 --- go, me!) and then went out for a couple of beers with a friend. While I was out, enjoying my drink I ran into a guy I knew. Actually “knew” is a bit of an exaggeration. We spent around 2 weeks together, 4 years ago. No contact since. Honestly, I had a hard time remembering his name. Anyway, we said hello and he sat at my table. Of course we had nothing to talk about. I doubt we had that many things to talk about 4 years ago but I was young and stupid. Well, we exchange maybe 3 or 4 lines and then he announces that I have “lost my principles as well”. Huh? So we come to the land of highly inappropriate comments or at least highly idiotic or annoying .(By the way I still have no clue what he meant).

1.Comments that irk me the most: the why am I single ones. Dear Lord, it seems that every human being on this planet is concerned with my dating status. Seriously. The best one ever? I was 17 at the time.
Old neighbor lady: “So, are you married yet?”
Me: “Uh…no.”
Onl(looking very sad): “At least engaged?”
Me: “Uh…no.”
Onl: “Oh you poor thing. You must meet my nephew. He just got out of prison but he’s a really nice young man.”
I fled. Did I mention I was 17? Even without the creepy nephew comment is it so weird to not be married at 17?I’ve been avoiding the woman ever since. The one good thing that came out of that conversation? That now I usually shut up people that ask me why I’m not married(and the frequency of these questions has increased since then) by saying “I’m waiting for my fiancé to get out of prison.” Of course, the “I’m a lesbian” works wonders as well. But I can’t say that to my family so I just ignore them. I particularly despise the sympathetic look and pat on the back “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone too.”. I am a much better person then I thought I was when I didn’t jump at the throat of the person. I do not guarantee the same restraint the next time. And just to be safe, for the family wedding I have to attend this year, I’ll wear a “I might be single but at least I’m not married to your husband” t-shirt. Or get a temporary tattoo that says that.

2. I am not a child person. I’ve never been one. If the kid in question is extremely well behaved and over the age of 3 I might go near him or her but even then I probably won’t spend more then a few minutes. If the kid is a brat, get him away from me or I will and it won’t be pretty. If I can lift my dog I can lift your kid and get him away from me by any means. If I am at store I’m probably pissed enough that I have to be there without your screaming offspring running around, messing with my stuff. Put him on a leash for all I care. Ok, back to my point. If I comment something like “Get your screaming beast away from my stuff”(I’ll probably phrase it better because I do have some manners, surprisingly enough) I want you to control it or get a babysitter next time. What I do not want is to hear “Well, what would you do if it was your kid?”. Ship him off to ‘Nam. Good enough for you? If I am somewhere where there are the with-child family members I’ll shut up and endure, as long as the beasts don’t touch me. I’m not a touchy person and if a kid does it I will be mad. Nope, I don’t think it’s time for a hug. And, nope, I don’t care if you extend your hands for me to pick you up. I won’t but maybe you’ll grow taller from trying. Please, parents of the beast don’t ask me what would I do if it were mine. That pretty much guarantees my calm flying off the window and a very nasty reply following.

Another one on the child subject. “When are you planning on having kids?” Hello, how is that your problem? Have you had some wine? ‘Cause I’m about to pour mine on your head. Or at least fantasize about it. What is this interest in my reproductive choices? Let’s go back to complaining that I’m single, m’kay? I’m convinced there is absolutely no way of answering this question. If I say I’m not married I’ll either offend an unmarried mom or ensure another when are you geting married conversation. If I saw I haven’t decided I’ll get the biological clock conversation. Did I mention I’m 20? By god, I only have a year or two left! If I say I don’t want kids…well, all Hell breaks lose. And then the other conversation that will get you ugly stares and curse words mumbled under my breath starts. “You’re too young to know what you want and you’ll change your mind.”. Let me get this right…I’m not to young to get married or have kids, but I’m too young to know what I want? Huh. Please keep your screaming children and children conversations away from me. If you’re that interested in nephews/cousins/child of absolutely no biological relation to you go badger my brother. He’s older, I’ll let him go first.

3. Comments that are meant to attract my sympathy. If you say something like “I want to kill myself” I will say “Ok” and go on doing what I did. What’s stopping you? If you really want to, you’re not going to discuss your choice with me. If you don’t then why bother me? “I had a bad day.” So did I. You’re a grown up, learn to deal. I frankly don’t care about the fact that you couldn’t find you favourite pencils at the store. I’ll listen only if I thing it has the potential to be used as a starting point for a short story or novel scene. And then I’ll just listen to the beginning and the start writing it in my mind while you babble. If you’re unhappy I suggest you find someone else to talk to. I can’t deal with other people’s unhappiness. I will be completely unimpressed if you cry. Will it offend you if I yawn? Ok, these are not idiotic comments. They just annoy me.

4. “You’ve been brainwashed by society because you like/don’t like x thing.” I heard this about crocs. You know, the shoes. These shoes --->

Not directly addressed to me but on a message board. I’m sorry but I don’t think that I’ve been brainwashed because I happen to like or dislike something you dislike or like. If only that was the only time I’d heard it. But no, people seem to think that others are brainless goons just because of their taste. Apparently I’ve been brainwashed by society because I think “A clockwork orange” is one of the best movies ever made(I didn’t even dignify this one with a reply). I’ve been brainwashed because I think Picasso was brilliant(apparently, no one could ever like that thing). Countless times. Get a clue: people like various things. You can call me an idiot, I really won’t mind but don’t tell me I have a certain opinion because that’s what society taught me. And I still think Crocs are the ugliest things ever made.

5. Comments stating the obvious.
“You’re wearing black.”---nah, it’s yellow. Really, it’s yellow.
“You have long hair”--- I thought it took me a while to comb it but I just couldn’t figure out why. Thank you for informing me.
“You’re wearing boots in June.”--- And here I thought I had my Crocs on.
“It says x thing on your shirt.”---Sorry, I can’t read.
Unless there’s a point to the affirmation please refrain from sharing it with me. If there’s a point then make it quick.

That’s it for now. There are more, many, many more but these are the top 5. Silly people and their machines(don’t even ask where that came from). Or their mouths in this case. And on a completely unrelated side-note, I’ve been busy discussing the “Heroes” characters and spoilers lately so prepare yourselves for a very long list of likes and dislikes and a lot of speculating on the third volume.

I have been ignoring my love lately

Ok, that sounds bad. Actually I’ve been ignoring one of my loves lately. Snooker. How could I have forgotten to mention both the Malta Cup and the Welsh Open? I think somewhere in the middle of looking for my writing mojo, hoping for the writers’ strike to end, discussing the ramifications of the strike over my beloved TV shows and various other every day annoyances it slipped my mind to report. But I’ve been watching and damn, it’s been fun!

I have to admit I don’t quite care about the Malta cup. It’s not that important and I only watch it because hey, it’s snooker. But most of the players aren’t that interested either, or so it seems from where I’m sitting, Ronnie O’Sullivan didn’t even come this year so it’s usually just running in the background while I do various other important things(to be read as: do nothing online). But it exists and to my complete annoyance Shaun Murphy won it this year(did I ever mention the guy bugs me to no end?). And to make matters worse he won against Ken Doherty. So I will pretend it didn’t happen from now until next year. Mmmkay?

And now that we discussed the thing that didn’t happen I can move on to more important things like the Welsh Open. Tonight they played the final and what a pretty game it was. The finalists were, to my complete happiness, Mark Selby and Ronnie O’Sullivan. Since Paul Hunter died I haven’t had a couple of players who I love seeing play so much as I used to love the games between him and O’Sullivan. But now…ding-ding-ding I have a winner! They’re both great players(and did I mention pretty as well?) and it’s fun watching them play. They’ll do faces, kneel(ok, that was Selby in the World Championship it I remember correctly but I laughed like a maniac) and try the weirdest, toughest shots and usually get them too. To be honest I wanted Selby to win but I was thinking that O’Sullivan will. But I was wrong and I’m happy about it(O’Sullivan has 19 ranking tournament wins and it was the first for Selby). The first session of the final ended 4-4 so the second(and last) session started from there. It quickly became 5-4 for O’Sullivan and then 6-4. Mark got a frame but then Ronnie went all the way up to 8-5. Let me quote Selby here “I thought I had no chance at 8-5, even if you give Ronnie a one-frame lead he usually steam-rollers you.” But the “comeback kid”(their nickname, not mine) won the next 3 frames so it was 8-8 in a game of first to 9. And the final frame was fun and exciting and ended with Selby’s victory, although it was from O’Sullivan’s mistake(I’ll look for a video of the shot tomorrow). Congrats to the winner and good luck in the World Championship(I’ll be rooting for another Selby-O’Sullivan final…one can hope :D). And here’s what O’Sullivan said about playing against Mark "You can't feel involved in the match because he plays in strange patterns and plays different shots. It makes him tough to play. You know there are going to be a lot of long frames and it's hard to get a rhythm going. It's an endurance test, to see how patient you can be." Because every snooker fan knows that his biggest quality is patience < /sarcasm >.

In another news, I mentioned a wedding I had to go to next week. I didn’t mention that the friend that’s dragging me to it decided we won’t go. Smart call, ‘cause now I’m going again. Ain’t that fun? So this week is nice clothes shopping time because I have nothing in my closet fit for a wedding. Yes, I know all women say that. But I really mean it. Actually I don’t even have a closet. Are hiking boots inappropriate for a wedding(no, I don’t hike I just have the boots for it)? Oh, the fun I’ll have. The shopping gene was lost on me. So prepare yourselves for a 3 page long rant about how much I hate shopping.

Please explain something

How does a holiday that was originally meant to be a celebration of love get to be about anything but love? So I might not be the most romantic person in the world. Titanic made me laugh and I’ve never made it to the end of Love Story. I am not a roses and candles type of girl(but bring on the chocolates!). But I can’t get Valentine’s Day!

History time(‘cause what’s more fun then a history lesson?). In roman times, the 15th February was dedicated to a fertility ritual, Lupercalia. Actually the whole period between mid-January and mid-February was the month of Gamelion(frightening that I know that, right?). But then came Chaucer and he brought the first connection between Valentine’s Day and romantic love. And everything went downhill from there.

Ok, so I have nothing against celebrating love. It’s nice and poetic(and one of the most important days for commerce). The fact that love is basically many hormones working in overdrive and creating an effect similar to that of amphetamines doesn’t seem to bother people so go ahead, spend your money however you want. Not my problem. What bugs me to no end is that lately it seems that we have to buy gifts or at least a card for every damn person that has crossed our path more then twice in the last year. Buy presents for your mother, your father, your children, your best friend, the milkman, the mailman, hell!, buy a card for the lady that works at the store where you bought all your cards. Ok, I get it, it’s nice, you care about them but come on! Gah! Have I missed the announcement that it has changed from being about romantic love to every damn type of love? Did they use one of those planes that write on the sky and I was too busy to look up? Did my letter get lost in the mail? When did it get from one thing to another? And is it just me or is it really creepy to give your kid a card/present? Definitely brings up many weird thought to my sick brain.

And to think that this semi-rant was brought on by a freakin’ message from an idiot that decided to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day.

It's a bunny in disguise

I should make a category with stupid things people say that annoy me. I’ll get to that after we discuss my hedgehog(ooooh, that sounded dirty!). I am a human being that lives in a house that has doors(shocking!) and those doors have locks and the locks require keys to open/close them therefore I have keys. And all these afore mentioned keys sit on a key-ring which I tend to lose about 50 times a day(just about every time I get them out of the door). To solve that problem, I have a key-chain thingy that looks like a hedgehog! It’s quite big and I can spot it immediately when I need it so it works, not to mention it’s pretty. It even has a bowtie! But that is not the point, but the idiotic people who look at it and ask “Is that a hedgehog?”. No, you freakin’ idiots, it’s a wolf. A bear. A bunny in disguise. Do I need to write “hedgehog” on it so that you can make sure that’s what it’s supposed to be? Do I have to add spikes so that maybe after you prick yourselves you’ll believe me? It’s small, it’s cute and I like it. Before you jump on me for picking on people with poor eyesight I have to add that this question comes from people who just pick it off the table or wherever and look at it(personal boundaries, things and space are completely foreign concepts for some). How am I supposed to answer to that? I’m pretty sure Miss Manners frowns upon me recommending an eye doctor or a children’s book with pictures of the cute lil’ animals.

Get away from my saw, Taylor! Or in this case, get away from my hedgehog, people!

And on a happy note: the writers' strike is over!!! Yay!!! This is what the writers got: deal at a glance. Now get back to work! Heroes is't coming back until fall(how the fuck will I survive that???) but they said that House is expected to shoot 4 to 6 new episodes to air in April/May. I hope it's 6...and that I'll find a way to live without Heroes. Sucky strike! And an almost as sucky news: Lauren Graham's new show with NBC is probably not going to happen. The guys said "start watching 30 Rock". Gee, thanks. All because of this stupid strike! The new House episodes better be damn excellent! Thank God for Gilmore Girls DVD's.

How 3 equals 8

I knew my math skills might be a little off but I’m pretty sure there’s a difference between 3 and 8. I might be an idiot because my bank sure does seem to think that’s it the exact same thing. Story time, children.

I’m an idiot so today I left home without money. I was just taking the movies back, no need for money. I had my wallet with me, I just forgot that I had no money in it(as for some reason or the other they were in a pocket). So as I was walking I found a book I wanted and after digging thru my purse I came out almost 3 euros short. So I went to the ATM. I had 30 euros in my account because I need to pay a tax and I needed a debit card for that. Tax is 15 pounds, which is around 23 euros. No problem then, I can pull the equivalent of 3 euros with no problems. Before I do so, I check my account. It says 29 point something euros. Huh, weird, but maybe I forgot about some tax or something. I punch in, get the money, check the account again. 21.44 euros!!! Filthy bastards. So for 3 euros I paid 5 in tax. Just great. Now I have to go put 3 or 4 euros in my account so I can pay the tax(isn’t that just great…imagine that conversation “Hello, ma’am, I wanna put 3 euros in my account.”) and trust me, after that’s over that account with that bank(and the other one I have) are going bye-bye so fast they won’t know what hit ‘em! The nerve of the bloody bastards!

Completely unrelated but Roy Scheider died yesterday at the age of 75. He was best known for his role as the police chief Brody in “Jaws” and he also appeared in “Marathon Man”, “Still of the night”, “Romeo is bleeding” and “The French connection”. Rest in peace, Roy.

Welcome to the new face of my blog

I have a lot of free time. Some might say I have too much but then I’ll cleverly state that saying too much free time is like saying too much chocolate or coffee. So because I have no life I played around a little and came up with…this. Not the prettiest thing ever but the dots were driving me up walls. If I only had a brain I would have looked for pretty templates online. Right now there are no new news about the strike and I needed to find something to do before my mind imploded. Should I add that I’ll edit/completely destroy this as soon as I get my brain to function again? But right now I think it’s pretty(I haven’t had coffee in 8 hours…my judgment is seriously impaired).

Next on my agenda: I went to the happiest place on Earth Friday, otherwise known as the DVD renting place. Seriously, what’s better then a room with hundreds of movies(including the complete Bond collection which I’ll get this summer and watch over the course of a week)? No, seriously. Name me something. Ya’ see? (Disclaimer: I understand that normal people might think that there are other things that are better. There aren’t. Oh, wait I just thought of something: an even bigger room filled with even more movies!). When picking movies I have a rule: I get one movie that I’ve seen and loved, one horror(the weirder, more geeky and
obscure the better), one artsy movie and something that just catches my eye.
It’s not exact science and it doesn’t always have good results(see the
Inheritance disaster) but this was such a successful outing it had me squealing. I got “Dracula” because I was with a friend who has read the book 5 times and had
never seen the movie—how do such people walk this planet?---, “La vie en rose”
because I love Edith Piaf, “V for Vendetta” and I hope I don’t even have to
justify this choice and “Three…extremes” because Asian horror movies are amazing
and Takashi Miike is brilliant(I mean it…go see “Audition” now!). And after a
short break I will proceed to talk about how amazing “Three…extremes” was. But
first…rant time!

Why, oh why do people have to add romance to everything? I love “V for Vendetta”, I really do, but it drives me batty every time I see it because it could have been so much better without the whole V/Evey dancing and kissing and shit. If I wanted romance I would have gotten “Casablanca” not “V”. Seriously people, stop it! <--- This coming from a person who mostly writes romance.

And now I go back to the wonderfully amazing “Three…extremes”. It’s a collection of three movies: “Dumplings”, “Cut” and “Box”. For a scary movie to be successful in my eyes it must stay with me long after I see it. Monsters, zombies, killer leprechauns? Yawn! A real, flesh and blood killer? Goodie! I’d take “The shining” or “Misery” over “Night of the living dead” any day(This doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy a monster movie…it’s just that it has no chance of ever scaring me). There is nothing scary per se in any of the three movies. But, as any good Asian horror movie, it will leave you with a feeling of unease and a “What the fuck?” floating in the back of your brain. While “Cut” didn’t impress me as a whole(I’m a though audience for any movie) the ending makes it worth while. “Dumplings” left me with the extreme determination to never in my life eat dumplings. I swear I’d probably throw up before I even get a chance to swallow the first bite. And it has a scene in a bathtub that has been playing in my head for the last 24 hours. And the amazing “Box”. I’m more convinced with every movie I see that Takashi Miike is a genius. “Box” is…unsettling. The scene in the circus is definitely my favorite. And the ending is fucking brilliant. You’ll have to see it to find out what’s in the box…