Oh, I get it…

You exist solely to annoy me, don’t you?

It’s 8AM. I was shocked to find out there is an 8 in the morning, but oh, well. So it’s 8AM and I’m home, drinking ice coffee and watching the news before I go out and pretend to be coherent and sane while I deal with the various nuisances associated with life. The phone rings.

Idiot: “Hey!”
Me: “’Morning.”
I: “Oh, you’re up!”
Well, judging by the fact that I’m talking to you it might be an intelligent assumption, don’t ya think?
M: “Yes.”
I: “Good…what are you doing?”
M: “Drinking ice coffee and watching the news.” What can I say…I’m Captain Obvious in the mornings.
I: “You’re drinking ice coffee?” Insert really shocked tone here.
M: “Yes.”
I: “But it’s cold outside.”
M: “But I’m not outside.”
I: “So what? It’s still cold. You should drink normal coffee.”
M: “Why?” Oh, I had to ask, right? I just had to.
I: “Because it’s cold outside!” Really? It’s cold outside? Why didn’t you say so???
M: “So what does the cold outside have to do with my ice coffee?”
I: “You shouldn’t drink cold things if it’s cold. You’re going to catch a cold.”
M: “But I am not outside! I’m inside and it’s not cold inside!”
I: “You still shouldn’t.”

Are people really this stupid or am I just unlucky enough to know all the morons of the world? Sheesh.

Oh, and by the way, dear saleslady at the purse store yesterday(I got a new and really cool messenger bag…heck, yeah!) it really makes me feel special when the other saleslady is wishing the customer 5 inches away from me a “good day” and various other pleasantries and you stare at me like I just killed your puppy. Really. I shut up when I was at the counter. I talked to your manager later. Enjoy.